For Tengku Syah (who prefers to be called Wan) and Suria Saiden (who prefers to be called Sue), life in Malaysia as a lesbian couple was one of clandestine meetings and public discretion with little hope of setting up a home together.
Wan and Sue met more than 20 years ago at a party in Kuala Lumpur.
Wan, who had just turned 21, was drawn to Sue, who was in her final year of high school.
Wan and Sue worked together to be able to buy a house in Melbourne soon after they migrated to Australia. Credit: SBS Malay/Zaini Ahmad
But in Malaysia, life as a same-sex couple can be extremely difficult.
In 2018, two women were caned in the conservative north-eastern state of Terengganu after they were caught engaging in a sexual act in a car.
It was the first punishment of its kind carried out in Malaysia’s Sharia Court, which has jurisdiction over “Islamic law and personal and family law of persons professing the religion of Islam”.
Under Malaysian law, each state is empowered to enact laws based on Sharia guidelines about matters such as marriage and divorce.
But Malaysia’s federal laws are more accepting of the LGBTIQ+ community.
Wan and Sue enjoy a meal together at the new home that they bought in Melbourne. Credit: SBS Malay/Zaini Ahmad
In 2021, the country’s Federal Court ruled that a state law banning consensual same-sex conduct was unconstitutional.
Nevertheless, many same-sex couples still fear backlash from their families and the community, and it was this fear that forced Wan and Sue to keep their relationship a secret.
The couple recalled times when they were out together and were subjected to homophobic slurs.
It was also difficult for Sue because she was still living at home.
“I was especially close to my late mother, who expected me to get married. The thought of disappointing her was especially hard,” she said.
Wan, who grew up without a father and with a distant mother, was more independent. She was brought up by her grandmother and by the time she met Sue was already working and living on her own.
Earlier in their courtship, the couple recalled the loud angry rants of Sue’s mother every time Wan dropped her off after evenings spent together at dinner and the movies.
Wan was especially afraid of Sue’s father, a keen bodybuilder whom she described as a Malaysian version of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
Sue as a child with her mother in Malaysia. Credit: Supplied by Suria Saiden
But Wan slowly won over Sue’s parents.
“I really longed for a loving family and found one when I met Sue’s,” she said.
“The first time she invited me home, I was trembling with fear at the prospect of meeting her parents. Gradually, I managed to win them over and ended up calling them Papa and Mama.”
The family may have grown to accept Wan but, according to the couple, Sue’s parents have yet to acknowledge their relationship to this day.
No longer content living a life of pretence, in 2015 the couple decided to seek protection in Australia.
Their application for a protection visa was rejected by the Australian Ministry of Home Affairs but in 2017 the Administrative Appeals Tribunal in Melbourne overturned that decision, finding that the couple was owed protection.
Wan and Sue now enjoy a sense of freedom knowing their rights and wellbeing are guaranteed under Australian laws.
They rejoice in being members of the LGBTIQ+ community and hope to attend and partake in Sydney’s Mardi Gras festivities.
“This is something you’ll never see happen back home”, Sue said.
Since their arrival, Wan and Sue have had numerous jobs as fruit and vegetable pickers on farms outside Melbourne.
They currently work in the packing shed on an asparagus farm near Cranbourne.
In 2021, during one of their daily commutes, the couple decided to view a new housing project in Clyde North in Melbourne’s southeast.
The pair was renting rooms but were tired of sharing with strangers and craved more personal space.
To save as much money as possible, they worked extra shifts and took on second jobs delivering food.
By the time they were ready to purchase their house, they were able to afford a substantial deposit.
“Do not be averse to hard work in order to achieve your goals. It may be exhausting and God knows the times I’ve cried, but it was worth it in the end”, Sue said.
“We’re also very competitive when it comes to savings. We try to outdo each other to see who can save more money at the end of each month. But it’s healthy competition and done in the spirit of love.”
The couple said buying a house in Malaysia would have remained a pipe dream as wages are much lower and property prices high.
“We still miss our family in Malaysia but Australia has given us refuge and for that we’re truly grateful”, Sue said.
LGBTIQ+ Australians seeking support with mental health can contact QLife on 1800 184 527 or visit . also has a list of support services.
Intersex Australians seeking support can visit Intersex Peer Support Australia at isupport.org.au.
