1.
Me to my youngest: “wanna go out and do something” Her: “no not really, I kinda wanna be alone I’m stressed” Me: “you’re 12 ain’t no way you’re stressed” Her: “you’re old and you wanna hang out with me”Me: pic.twitter.com/HYjmERN1nz
— ᴍꜱ. ᴘᴇᴀʀʟ (@_perla420) March 30, 2024
Genius / Twitter: @_perla420
2.
Never be sad on a weekend. Cry during business hours and get paid for your depression. Don’t let capitalism win.
— Cali (@calidaysay) March 29, 2024
3.
My son, 7, has discovered “deez nuts” jokes and it’s all he says now. Everything is deez nuts. He simply can’t stop.I asked him where he heard that joke. He made me promise that if he told me, he wouldn’t get in trouble. I agreed. So he leans in and whispers, “deez nuts.”
— will defries (@willdefries) March 29, 2024
4.
I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another, but I was so wrong. It’s multiple crises, concurrently, all at once, all the time. Forever😭
— sweeett💎 (@sweeettrevenge) February 19, 2024
5.
6.
“Did you meet Q1 goals?”Did Q1 meet me???? Did it meet me????
— Ebun with Capital Letter E (@adifferentshe) March 27, 2024
7.
my niece said “Auntie is one of those ppl that has a lot of stuff & won’t get rid of it-I think she’s a whore.” LMFAO ma’am wrong word.
— B 🦋 (@DontWorryBoutB) March 28, 2024
8.
TMZ would have filmed the conversation of Judas agreeing to betray Jesus.
— db 🖤 (@dbcxptures) March 27, 2024
9.
I asked my man if he had a fetish I didn’t know about and he said silence … I.. 😭😭😭😭😭
— Lex P🪬 (@LexP__) March 27, 2024
10.
Fox / Zeus / Twitter: @DisasterMoviefa
11.
was feeling very cute & confident in my little first date outfit until I realized I am dressed exactly like kim possible. i’m not kidding I look like I may have attended some kind of convention today so hope he’s into that!
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) March 24, 2024
12.
HBO Max / Twitter: @Whotfismick
13.
Nickelodeon / Twitter: @mugerfatale
14.
my toxic trait is that if they opened Jurassic park I would still totally go
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) March 23, 2024
15.
No Context Memes / Twitter: @NoContextHumans
16.
Pixar/ Twitter: @BluntConspiracy
17.
DreamWorks Pictures / Twitter: @_munee__
18.
by the time I have kids strollers gonna need gas 😂
— 🥀✨ (@fuckkkkkmylifee) January 15, 2024
19.
Something about rent being due the Monday after Jesus paid it all doesn’t sit right with me.
— PurposeDr!ven»✨ (@BornTaLEAD) March 28, 2024
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