This article contains references to domestic violence.
Watch Insight’s episode Being Watched, which explores when being watched crosses the line, on
Many people find it hard to break away from a partner, but when I broke up with my ex, he followed me to work, to the doctor, to my home, even to my friend’s house.
One night, after screaming at him to leave me alone, I went out for some food and a glass of wine with my best friend. When we turned around from the bar, he was there.
It was then that I called the police.
‘He became jealous’
I first met my ex at work. He was a customer and I was a supervisor, and he was looking for a particular item that we had sold out of. I tried to help him.
He later came back with a rose and a letter thanking me and asking me out.
Initially, I declined, but then he returned with a statue symbolising the Greek goddess Diana and another letter asking me out.
My colleagues persuaded me to have a coffee with him. Several coffees later, it turned into dinners and live music events.
By October 2014, I had introduced him to my youngest daughter, my best friend and my extended family.
But by December the same year, the person he had shown me had started to crumble. He became jealous of my son who was visiting with his girlfriend for Christmas.
I broke up with him but after my sister and best friend told me my actions were harsh, and after he turned up at a friend’s gig and apologised profusely, I gave him another chance.
But again his nice personality started to wane.
I couldn’t do anything without him being there. Once he tried to stop me from taking my mother to a medical appointment.
I broke up with him again, this time for good.
‘He knew when I was home’
It was then that he started appearing at work, with letters that offered apologies and detailed all the things he had done for me, many of which I could have done myself — if he’d let me.
He also started to stalk people I cared about, including my 80-year-old mother who lived on her own, my daughter, my best friend and even my daughter’s boyfriend’s family.
When I called the police, they advised me to get an intervention order from the courts, which took a few weeks.
In the meantime, he came to my house. I found my tyres slashed and used condoms on my doorstep and in my letterbox.
He also turned up at work or approached me on my lunch break with more letters.
My neighbour told me she regularly saw him going into my home with keys. I had never given him keys and in fact, he had never stayed overnight at my home.
But he’d been having free reign of my house while I was at work.
The next day I called a locksmith to change my locks. Once again he turned up, saying my colleagues had told him I was home. They hadn’t.
He knew when I was at home and when I was at work. Anxious to understand how,
After many attempts to remove the tracker, I bought a new phone and number.
I finally received an Apprehended Violence Order order from the court, which demanded that he leave me alone.
‘He could easily find me again’
The intimidation and harassment didn’t stop with me.
When he started stalking my daughter, I was assigned a detective.
Five years after my ex had first started to stalk me, he received an eight-month jail sentence and on his release, a two-year Community Corrections Order.
Since his release, I haven’t seen him or heard from him.
But I have been busy raising the issue with MPs and creating Stalking Awareness Day Australia, which will be on 24 May as part of Domestic and Family Violence Prevention Month.
I know he could easily find me again if he wanted to, which makes me feel uneasy.
He is not required to wear a tracking device; he can do whatever he pleases.
This has forced me to get my own tracking device. It’s like a security watch that allows me to capture 10 minutes of sound and conversation and send the recording to five nominated people and the police.
I’m trying my best to feel safe.
If you or someone you know is impacted by family and domestic violence, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, text 0458 737 732, or visit . In an emergency, call 000.
For counselling, advice and support for men who have anger, relationship or parenting issues, call the Men’s Referral Service on 1300 766 491.
Source Agencies
