Anne, (not her real name), has been in eight relationships. In each of them, she has abstained from sex, living a life of chastity.
The 25-year-old American photographer currently living in Australia says she is surrounded by sex — from the Australian hostels she stays in while travelling, to the friends around her who embrace casual sex.
“Everywhere around me [in hostels], everyone’s like, ‘Let’s get drunk’ — or guys say: ‘Oh, you have a private room, can I come back with you?’ And I’m like: ‘No’.”
Anne’s life of chastity excludes watching porn and having sex before marriage and views sex as an act of devotion.
“As someone who was addicted to porn and masturbation, you accumulate a kind of scar tissue that numbs you and gives you a distorted view of human relationships,” Anne says.
Anne’s lifestyle connects to her Catholic faith, which she promotes on her social media platforms — but she says it “stretches out beyond the bedroom”.
“It’s about being intentional and careful with the hearts of those who cross your path,” she says.
Anne sees chastity as more relevant now than ever before — believing relationships and marriage have suffered as a result of modern “swiping culture” and a shift away from religious values.
“I would encourage my fellow young people to re-evaluate how we have been taught to view dating and relationships,” Anne says.
The controversial speaker who preaches chastity
Conservative chastity speaker Jason Evert was recently in Australia and inspired Anne’s beliefs and vow of chastity.
Evert tours the world delivering speeches to young men and women encouraging them to save “marital intimacy” for marriage, abstain from masturbation and porn, and express “modesty” in the way women act and dress.
He was the subject of controversy in Australia last month — with parents and students from some Catholic schools petitioning for his talks to be cancelled.
Evert was widely criticised for his views relating to the LGBTIQ+ community, contraception, and abortion. Three schools in Australia cancelled his talks as a result. He still spoke at a number of schools while other schools live-streamed his talks.
Evert said in an email to The Feed that he received positive text messages from students who saw his talks.
Anne has followed his “Chastity Project” for more than a decade, and attended the same university as Evert.
Chastity speaker Jason Evert tours the globe and has amassed a large following. Source: Instagram / Jason Evert
She says she saw her father in several different relationships when she was a child, and that “women would use him, and he would use women”. She says this contributed to her decision to pursue a chaste life.
She recalls the moment as a teen in her Catholic home when she says her mother gave her a choice of whether or not she wanted to commit to chastity, asking: “Is [chastity] something you want to make a commitment to…?”
Anne’s response — having just attended one of Evert’s talks, was: “Absolutely, yes”.
Evert’s Chastity Project (which he runs with his wife/co-founder) started because, according to its website, “Our culture is broken.”
“All around us, teens and young adults are starving for real love but gorging themselves on the counterfeit: lust,” the website states.
When chastity doesn’t work
Ryan, (not his real name), is a 37-year-old Australian man who remained abstinent before marrying his now-ex-wife. He now believes that choosing chastity can be harmful to some young people.
“It leads to bad decision making in finding a partner – ignoring red flags,” Ryan said.
He says chastity puts pressure on young women to “remain pure”.
“In a culture that values marriage above all else, you rush into a marriage that — if you weren’t pressured that cohabitation is wrong — you’d realise you were incompatible, and avoid years of pain and divorce,” he said.
Ryan said he has since come “out the other side” of “purity culture”.
“I think it for sure created issues with my self-image.”
Many young people are having positive sexual experiences
Every four years, Jennifer Power, a La Trobe University researcher and sociologist specialising in sexuality and sexual health, runs a survey that questions people aged 14-18 about their sexual experiences.
In 2021, 69 per cent of 6,841 Year 12 students reported having had vaginal or anal sex, according to the report. This figure sat at 48 per cent in the 1992 survey and 56 per cent in 2018 survey.
“[The report] showed that, for the most part, young people were having positive experiences of sex … they weren’t reporting them to be unpleasant or harmful. In fact, the opposite,” Power said.
Power noted that the survey could not be considered representative of the entire population due to the sampling method and size.
Results from La Trobe University’s Australian Secondary Students and Sexual Health 2021 report that surveyed 4091 Year 12 students. Source: SBS
In 2018, young people aged 15–24 expressed a high rate of fulfilment in their relationships, with an average satisfaction score of 8.5 out of 10, according to the Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia survey.
“We have even more responsibility than ever to ensure young people have access to comprehensive, effective relationships and sexuality education.” Power said.
Young people’s relationships should be taken more seriously
Power says chastity beliefs go against evidence for the health and safety of young people, and sex education and communication should be encouraged from a public health perspective.
She said teaching “emotionally safe sex” should be pushed, rather than “shutting down conversations about sex, which is what I think abstinence education tends to do”.
“There is potential for young people to have relationships that are really supportive of them; really good for them in their lives. I don’t think we’re doing young people a service by belittling them,” Power said.
But Anne has no regrets about choosing a life of chastity, saying she wants to wait for a committed partner rather than having “one night stands”.
“I resolved at a very young age — I will never let another person use me the way I see this happening in front of me, and nor will I use another person.”
