Last year, Forrest Sandifer of St. John’s wasn’t feeling well. He was having stomach issues and found no answers and no relief after multiple doctor visits.
After blood work and other tests, his physician started talking about what some fear most: cancer. Specifically, a pituitary gland tumour.
Further testing and an MRI were scheduled. But the 27-year-old had a gut feeling.
While waiting for his next appointments, he took two more tests at home, and the mystery was solved. There was no tumour at all; he was pregnant.
When Sandifer’s doctor confirmed his pregnancy, she told him, “I didn’t think that this was even possible.”
Neither did he.
Once I came back to life, I immediately snapped into parental mode.– Forrest Sandifer
Sandifer, a trans man, has always wanted children but thought adopting was his only option. Since he had been on testosterone for more than a decade, he hadn’t menstruated in eight years and had only one active ovary.
His doctor said his chance of conceiving was less than 1.8 per cent.
As it turned out, those were the only odds he needed, and after years of hearing he could never be a “real” dad or have his own family, his son, Lupin, was born on Aug. 19, 2023.
Since Sandifer didn’t know he could even carry a child until he was already pregnant, he says pregnancy for men needs to be talked about more often and that, if carrying a biological child is the dream, it’s possible.
“When I found out I was pregnant, I had to look up a bunch of things and, honestly, there was not much information,” he said.
“So if I could help anybody who is wondering or thinking about it, I would definitely like to try and do that.”
‘Like you’ve been knocked out’
The moment he learned he was expecting, Sandifer said, everything went black.
“It’s like you’ve been knocked out,” he said.
After the initial shock wore off for him and his partner, Bran, the couple was extremely happy.
“Once I came back to life,” he said, laughing, “I immediately snapped into parental mode.”
One of the items on the get-ready-for-baby checklist was the first ultrasound, normally scheduled for the six-week mark.
The ultrasound confirmed that Sandifer was actually six months pregnant, leaving just the summer to prepare, and for personal reasons, he was daunted.
“Where I’m trans, I thought it was going to be extremely dysphoric,” he said.
“But I think because I’ve always wanted to be a dad, I never really thought about how my body was looking or feeling. I was just so excited that I was able to be lucky enough to have the chance to know what it feels like to go through being pregnant.”
Hard to find information
He describes his health-care experience during those months as “surprisingly amazing.”
“There was not one time where I felt uncomfortable, or looked down upon, or like I was something out of the ordinary,” he said. “The medical professionals I dealt with were, honestly, the best part of my pregnancy.”
But Sandifer had a hard time finding information specifically for trans men. He found some useful online videos and discussion groups, but no resource as comprehensive as something like the popular book What To Expect When You’re Expecting.
The biggest question was what to do about his hormones. His doctor suggested he go off his testosterone for the remainder of the pregnancy, which for Sandifer, was three months.
“Which didn’t make a difference to my body because I’ve been on it for so long,” he said.
When his pregnancy started showing, around 6½ months, he noticed some folks — mostly older people — staring, he said. “Which I completely understand, it’s not something you see very often,” he said. He though the public response he would receive, as a visibly pregnant man, would be worse.
From curiosity to judgment
But once Lupin was born, some of those moments of innocent curiosity transformed into judgment, he said.
He and his family have attended baby and parent groups, but they likely won’t return.
“Most of the ones we went to, there have been parents who have literally turned their children away from us because we are a gay couple with a baby,” he said.
But one of the top anxiety-inducing parts of being a parent for Sandifer is one most folks probably don’t give a second thought to: parking.
When trying to park in a spot reserved for new families or those who are expecting, other drivers have tried to police him.
On more than one occasion, he said, he’s received “you shouldn’t park here” comments.
The problem: some of those signs read for “new” or “expectant mothers,” featuring the icon of a pregnant woman in a dress.
“Even though I’m not a mother, I still popped the child out of me,” said Sandifer. “So I’m going to park here.”
In spite of all that, he feels the experience is worth it.
“Now you have a child who is a part of you. You got to go through the experience of feeling them kick inside of you, feeling them roll around, trying to snap your ribs in half,” he said.
“That’s such a beautiful feeling, and nothing would ever make me think twice about it.”
Among the standout moments so far is a moment when Sandifer was changing Lupid, two months old at the time.
After the baby was fully dressed, Lupin looked up at his father with more focus than ever before.
According to What To Expect When You’re Expecting, babies start recognizing their parents around two to four months, and that’s exactly what Sandifer felt from his son.
Sandider said he was blown away by the overwhelming feeling.
He looked back at his son and thought, “I made you. I literally made you.”
And in that moment, his son’s eyes said it all: “You’re my dad.”
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