Folks, I can’t believe summer 2024 is coming to an end already — what a chaotic three months it has been. Before we head into September, let’s have one last laugh at the funniest tweets from August.
1.
@PirateCoop
2.
@fairy_duststash
3.
In junior high I had a crush on a guy on my swim team whose legs looked like this but my friends and I didn’t know his name so we called him “white feet” pic.twitter.com/M4YOf8ZAub
— non sequitur (@deeshka) August 7, 2024
@deeshka
4.
@jzux
5.
@DavidDTSS
6.
Today at Ft Lauderdale Airport, the man in a nearby stall was muttering “God’s got this” before throwing his belt off. I don’t know what toilet emergency was burdening him, but I wish him the best, as I know we all do. pic.twitter.com/Og7eiVg31a
— Andrew Farmer (@thatsajellyfish) August 17, 2024
@thatsajellyfish
7.
@kerrywashington
8.
@_EricLamarBeatz
9.
A female coworker told me she’s aroused by my mind, then proceeded to explain that it’s because she’s a psychologist and finds psychopaths fascinating. Now, hold up, heifer. pic.twitter.com/qgdMMsdlGr
— 𝗛𝗼𝗺𝗼 𝗡𝗲𝗴𝗿𝘂𝘀 𝗦𝘂𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗼𝗿 (@BDMNRS) August 14, 2024
@BDMNRS
10.
My husband met us at the park and surprised me with a large iced coffee and I didn’t have the heart to tell him I just had a large iced coffee so now I’m vibrating and going to piss myself
— h🦋 (@tinotonitini_) August 24, 2024
@tinotonitini_
11.
@georgie_rae_
12.
If I were Jordan Chiles n nem I’d tell the Olympics my Momma got the Medal now. Cus you KNOW once yo momma get ahold to your accolades, they ain’t goin NOWHERE! pic.twitter.com/wzWO20QcIr
— Cindy Noir✨ (@thecindynoir) August 10, 2024
Hulu / @thecindynoir
13.
@__Curtdoggg
14.
@CRGCALS
15.
Today I went to the bank and asked if they had an atm. The guy said they had a drive thru. I said oh I walked here. He said that’s fine. I had to wait in line behind a car like this 🧍🏻♀️
— naomi (@lachancenaomi27) August 26, 2024
@lachancenaomi27
16.
Ingrown hair is so childish to me because why are you actually trapped?Be grown & push through without causing a scene.
— Jacen Bowman (@JacenBowman) August 19, 2024
@JacenBowman
17.
@Roysenotes
18.
Pixar / @Whotfismick
19.
American culture funny asl mfs really say “how you doing” and walk off 💀
— fatou (@VICKIAHNA) August 19, 2024
@VICKIAHNA
20.
Me: We really need to be better about our language around the kids.Husband: why?3 year old snuggles down on the couch with a blanket: *whispers* this is cozy as fuck. Husband: I see.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) August 23, 2024
@oneawkwardmom
21.
@alyssalimp
22.
@sadmonsters
23.
Me (lying next to 4yo as he falls asleep, thinking about the brevity of life and trying to impress this very moment in my memory for when he is grown): I love you4yo (whispering very softly): Daddy you need a mint
— Matt (@scriptumsent) August 22, 2024
@scriptumsent
24.
@ruff_bluffs
25.
im crying i ordered a turtle pineapple bun at dim sum and ten mins later the waitress comes out apologizing profusely like “we’re so sorry it came out really ugly. do you want it still we’ll give it to you for free” YES OF COURSE anyway i love him. he was delicious pic.twitter.com/7hmkteKMX2
— leander! (@heroleanders) August 16, 2024
@heroleanders
26.
last night there was a party in my apartment and while i was making a sandwich in the kitchen someone i don’t know came up to me and said “are you allowed to do that”
— Dirk Fuckner 🚯 (@timerube) August 18, 2024
@/timerube
27.
@Brittymigs
28.
ill bet sour cream and salsa dont really like eachother on a personal level but when they get in the studio together its undeniable
— paddle (@ipaddlearound) August 13, 2024
@ipaddlearound
29.
growing up there was a cody in every elementary school class but as an adult i haven’t met a cody in years. where did they go
— campbell g (@rodeoman) August 13, 2024
@rodeoman
30.
@PabloRochat
31.
I recently taught my kiddo how to make my iced coffee bc she loves to be involved- it’s always made so well & the other day something just felt off- this morning she made my coffee & while she was doing the espresso she said “sometimes you need extra energy.. so I do 4 scoops”
— ❀ 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚏𝚎𝚢𝚢 ❀ (@Stonedwifeyy) August 18, 2024
@Stonedwifeyy
32.
@cyncl3r
33.
@vitt2tsnoc
34.
@drhingram
35.
@NICKWATTS__/
36.
@Jayysen_
37.
See how I didn’t take my full shot of tequila because I know I’d throw up? Very mindful, very demure
— Natalie (@jbfan911) August 18, 2024
@jbfan911
38.
@ItsDanSheehan
39.
@msmacb
40.
CSPAN / @SAMGREIS
41.
NBC / @RockiiiiRoadd
42.
chappell roan sounds like a catholic school in northeast with a decent football team
— 🚬 (@qnorapname_) August 13, 2024
@qnorapname_
43.
@theereal_one
44.
“Taco Bell isn’t even good” Yeah I know. Sometimes the raccoon inside of me craves garbage. Leave me & my Crunchwrap alone
— Meg (@megannn_lynne) August 5, 2024
@megannn_lynne
45.
If I was told told to return my Olympic medal….yeah sure I’d give it back….but I’d be on the plane before they realize it’s cake idgaf
— jat (@whotheheckisjat) August 11, 2024
@whotheheckisjat
46.
@easterngoblin
47.
@Hardywolf359
48.
@garlicpitachips
49.
Its going to be 33 degrees tomorrow. Perfect conditions for sitting in front of a computer screen all day and making money for a giant corporation if you ask me.
— Mike Townsend (@townsendyesmate) August 11, 2024
@townsendyesmate
50.
Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to take PTO
— Natalie (@jbfan911) August 13, 2024
@jbfan911
Which tweet made you laugh in this month’s roundup? Let us know your favorites in the comments below, and we’ll see you back here in September!
Source Agencies
