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“I went to that game thinking I was going to need time off, thinking that maybe I had prostate cancer and just struggling mentally. The club doctor knew I was struggling so he spoke to “Swannie” and Andrew Wellington after the game which was played on a Sunday night and they turned up at my house early the next day.
Neither Swann nor Fagan were prepared to reveal just how much of himself Fagan poured out that morning but for the coach the exercise proved cathartic. Reduced to tears after his short trip to a Human Rights Commission hearing in Melbourne before Easter, Fagan says now that meeting had left him emotionally bereft. He spoke of that struggle to his bosses.
Prevented from coming face to face with former Hawthorn player Carl Peterson – the First Nations families had insisted Fagan must be confronted by all the complainants or none – the Peterson allegations which he has always denied still weighed upon him. It must have come as some comfort to him that of all the players who continued to check in on him, it was Charlie Cameron and Callum Ah Chee who did so regularly after they initially made their inquiries into what had taken place during his time at Hawthorn.
CEO Swann had also been in crisis talks with manager Henderson on the day of the Gold Coast game and previously, so Swann’s message, with Wellington, when they visited Fagan was: “You’ve done a lot for us, you’ve looked after us – now we’ll look after you.”
Not only did the victory against Gold Coast lift Fagan’s spirits but the injury carnage surrounding the win made him rethink his thoughts of resigning. Lincoln McCarthy, Darcy Gardiner and Noah Answorth were all seriously injured in the game and Brandon Starcevich went down in the warm-up, famously making way for emergency Logan Morris. As Fagan says now with some understatement: “It was a great win but it wasn’t a great day for the club so they didn’t need me having a sook.”
But what also made the difference going forward was the pressure release that followed his near resignation and the open and ongoing offer from Swann and Wellington to take a break whenever he needed and for as long as he needed. The knowledge of that invitation from his bosses and colleagues gave the coach a sense of peace.
Fagan then went to Adelaide where the team drew with the Crows. On the eve of the next clash against Richmond at the Gabba the coach left the captain’s run for an appointment with his urologist where he was given the all-clear from truly bad news after two weeks of uncertainty.
The Lions went into the bye following the round 11 loss to Hawthorn sitting at 13th on the ladder and the commentary around the coach was unflattering from some circles. Brisbane was also criticised for not having a coaching succession plan in place. But by that point Fagan’s despair had morphed into something more closely resembling determined motivation.
At the end of his conversation with this masthead he laughs, a little unconvincingly. “I was just feeling sorry for myself. I needed a reset.” Then he added more seriously: “There were things in the background that just wouldn’t go away. But knowing I had the offer of time away from the club somehow made me feel I didn’t need it.”
Source Agencies
